My friend asked me the other day “how are you feeling?” my response was “oddly very good”, however not so odd I believe since all it takes is a simple ‘shift’ in perspective and attitude and anything can happen.
I was going through some very personal stuff with someone who was otherwise, my ‘soul mate’ so I believe he is, We’ve gone through a 10 year relationship, have gone our separate ways and somehow found our way back to a friendship with the possibility of maybe rekindling what was once our relationship, so I was led to believe.
Unfortunately time showed that not much had changed, as I let him in closer and I allowed my heart to open back up, what felt like ‘games’ began.
From first glance, my first glance, HE was putting me through hell, however on second glance, I was putting myself through hell, I was allowing this to happen to me. I was allowing myself to cry, not get out of bed, to ‘sit’ in the sorrow of having to mourn this loss yet again. After a full week of tears, cord cutting, yet again, and reaching out to like minded friends who understand, came my shift in perspective, it was as simple as this; Lisa you can either stay here and sit in this until you start to manifest dis-ease which is so easy for the body to do when you have chaos and create blockages in the body from emotional turmoil or you can get yourself back to you, where you find your peace.
It was day 8 of my ‘feeling sorry for myself’ mode when I received an email from the Times Square Alliance to let me know about this years Summer Solstice, an event that I look forward to participating in every year. I registered for the information of when to register and then there it was, a video of the class that I took on June 21, 2011. I hit play and started to watch it from my desk chair, slowly my body started to soften, I was able to feel the endorphins shooting off and I was slowly finding that place inside of myself where I find peace, and something whispered to me, “Lisa why are you watching it? Why not do the practice?” There it was, the whisper, was it my voice, my higher self reminding me or something Divine trying to remind me where my soul really is? I’m not sure, however I stopped the video, rewound it and rolled out my mat, here in my bedroom and did the hour and a half practice and there I found total peace, on my mat, deep within myself. Times Square and that beautiful sunny day became my moment on a Thursday afternoon in January, and the chaos that I had allowed into my life suddenly stopped.
I remembered who I am, what makes me happy and what brings me peace. That Saturday I returned to my yoga studio and did my practice as well and again felt that peace that can only come from within,. I started or re-started to read the books that help to remind me how lucky I am to be where I am at this moment, I began to take at least a minute out of my day to be still sometimes more than a minute.I started to reawaken and be grateful for doing so and slowly but surely I realized that going back to the old ways was what I needed to do.
Sometimes or actually very often our road is so bumpy and we often deter from our path. and that’s okay. When we are on that new path the one we followed, that’s when we ask ourselves the questions, what is this here to teach me, am I in the right place, what it is that makes me happy? What is my purpose? Do we continue on that path or find our way back to the one we started on?
I have learned that the bumps are also there so that we can learn our lessons, without these we don’t grow so they are very much needed. It’s okay to get lost and feel sad, it’s okay to feel as if our world is crumbling down around us. Sometimes we need to fall in order to get up stronger. Sometimes you have to love and lose and sometimes we love and lose the same person in order to learn that we are capable of loving at all, or maybe it’s as simple as there was unfinished business between the two souls. I do know that no one can make us happy but ourselves and yes, I am happy, despite this, I am truly happy.
The lesson for me is to know when to know when to walk away, when to know the time is right to say it’s okay to love but not stay, to move forward and let go. Let go with love and not allow myself to create dis-ease within my body so that I can fulfill my purpose, what ever that might be. I might not know my full purpose but what I do know is that it’s not to sit in my pajamas, at home on a daily basis not doing the things that keep me healthy and feeling good.
So when my friend asked me “how are you feeling” and my response was ‘oddly, very good” , I realize now that the reason I feel so good is because I put down the anger, resentment, hostility, betrayal, guilt and all things that create dis-ease and got back to ME and focused on the positive stuff, feeling good, doing my yoga practice and not just the physical practice but living yoga, breathing yoga. I became more focused on remembering how important it is to stay the path, keep the focus and stay true to myself and last but certainly not least surround myself with like minded friends who love from their true hearts and a true place.
My perspective has shifted, I’m feeling good, and I’m extremely grateful for that.